An Ode To My Hometown

I recently packed up my bags and moved out of my hometown. I’ve been left racking my mind over how to best talk about the place I spent nearly twenty-three years of my life. As it turns out, I had the greatest gift I could possibly provide: chicken strips. For those of you unaware, I am a man with strong opinions on chicken strips. I’ve ended friendships over trash takes on chicken strips. So, who could possibly be a better judge of the chicken strip market of Tumwater, Washington?

Infernos Brick Oven Pizza

Inferno’s is going to be on the receiving end of quite possibly my hottest takes. I’ll be honest, I haven’t been to Inferno’s in about a year, but I can recall the experience like it gave me PTSD. I knew I was in for something different the moment I noticed oven scorch marks on the chicken strips. Unfortunately, “different” was just another word for disappointment. They also didn’t offer french fries, like this was 1840’s Ireland and I was stuck in the middle of the potato famine. 1.5/10.

Red Wagon

Red Wagon apparently has really good burgers. I’m not a huge beef guy, so I really wouldn’t know. But I can tell you their chicken strips are forgettable. They were bland, and the most memorable part of the experience was eating fries as I watched the angry people in traffic but at least they’re fried, as chicken strips are always intended. 6/10.

Dairy Queen

Let’s make no mistake, Dairy Queen is the god damn pinnacle of the chicken strip game in Tumwater. They run it like the mafia did New York. I don’t know who this Queen is, but whoever is responsible for those chicken strips deserves a god damn award. I was more upset about moving away from Dairy Queen than I was my family. 10/10.

Eagan’s Drive-In

If you like really greasy food, Eagan’s will be your place. It’s a local restaurant, that doesn’t matter to me but other people are all about that. It’s an all-around pretty good place with the dive-bar feel, right down to the slight anxiety of feeling like you’re gonna be stabbed. 8.5/10.


If you order anything other then chicken nuggets from McDonald’s, I consider you to be a supervillain. 5/10.

Burger King


The Brick

No complaints about the Brick. The strips are all right, nothing to write home. But, the Brick has a secret, and that secret is the location of Infernos missing potatoes. If you get home fries, you won’t be able to see whoever you’re sitting next to because they’re piled so god damn high. 8/10.

I’m gonna be honest with you, the competition is light in the Tumwater area. I was and am still disappointed at the market that Tumwater produced. It wasn’t the reason I left, but let’s just say it is for dramatic effect. You’ve heard my gospel, now go to the streets and sing the praise of Dairy Queen chicken strips, as we are simply mortals in the realms of these chicken gods.

In the Circle

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Hello! My name is Jordan but you can call me Jordy! I’m an aspiring young writer/creator who focuses primarily on video arts such as movies and video games, as well as anything else that catches my attention. I’m a pretty mellow, introverted guy but I welcome conversation so feel free to reach out! Thank you for taking the time to read this!

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