In the Circle

How long can a skinny white guy survive the zombie apocalypse?

I’ve often bragged that if the zombie apocalypse would occur I would be the ideal survivalist, much to the ridicule of my friends. To try and get credible evidence to support my survivability, I’ve gone to the most logical place possible; Buzzfeed quizzes. Alongside my score, you will also be greeted with my refusal to accept the outcomes I don’t agree with as I make excuses for the skewed results. Now, we’ll step into the rabbit hole and discover how I’ll fare in a cruel, post-apocalyptic world.

Quiz #1: Six Months. 

Not starting off great with this first quiz. Despite its thoroughness, nothing prepared me for the format in which the questionnaire would be delivered, with the list style I’ve not used before. I’m going to chalk this result up to rust and place my faith in the following quizzes. Screen Shot 2018-08-19 at 9.57.00 PM

(The above quiz was created by Justin Abarca and is available at https://www.buzzfeed.com/justinabarca/how-long-would-you-survive-in-a-zombie-apocalypse)

Quiz #2: A Heroic Death. 

This result doesn’t surprise me. As an upstanding, noble person, I would very likely die for the “cause.” However, this quiz still has me dying, so I am dissatisfied with these results and will continue to fight against this outcome. Screen Shot 2018-08-19 at 10.44.35 PM

(The above quiz was created by Luke Bailey and is available at https://www.buzzfeed.com/lukebailey/will-you-survive-the-zombie-apocalypse?utm_term=.pgwMaNZYA#.kcEWq4DY7)

Quiz #3: Death.

Another obviously flawed quiz, because I am a strategic genius who would never fall prey to the undead. I want it on the record that the best plan one could adhere to is to wait in the woods until it all blows over. 10/10 would survive. Screen Shot 2018-08-19 at 11.03.38 PM

(The above quiz was created by Francesca Rea and is available at https://www.buzzfeed.com/francescaarea/can-you-survive-a-zombie-apocalypse?utm_term=.owDwW9RqB#.baVxer4pk)

Quiz #4: A Month.

Another rough result. I’m beginning to question whether or not I might actually survive the inevitable zombie apocalypse, but doubt is a sign of weakness, and that will get one killed in the apocalypse, so I will continue to stand my ground. Screen Shot 2018-08-19 at 11.21.02 PM

(The above quiz was created by Sophie Gadd and is available at https://www.buzzfeed.com/sophiegadd/how-long-would-you-actually-survive-in-the-apocalypse?utm_term=.hklQX7gDl#.ly8z6XO34)

Quiz #5: Survivor To This Day.

Much like Rocky in every Rocky movie ever made, I come back in the final rounds to win it all. Sticking to my gut and never backing down, I finally get the right answer and am vindicated from all past quizzes. I have no complaints as this is quite obviously what would happen in this Cinderella story of apocalyptic survival.

Screen Shot 2018-08-19 at 11.43.48 PM

(The above quiz was created by Buzzfeed Community Contributor Solrflare and is available at https://www.buzzfeed.com/solrflare/how-long-would-you-survive-the-zombie-apocalypse-1znjz?utm_term=.qw9D6rZVw#.smKX0mkgR)

Looking at all five quizzes, I only survive the apocalypse in one of them, giving me a 20% chance of survival. Now I wouldn’t consider myself a gambling man, but I like those odds, and I consider this victory.

I look forward to waving this victory in the faces of those who doubted me because as we all know, these results give a clear look into just how I will do when the zombies inevitably come for us and I execute my plan to flee for the woods.

 

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3 thoughts on “How long can a skinny white guy survive the zombie apocalypse?”

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